Jetblues
I know. I know. I’m sounding like a stuck record. But here I am again at another damn airport - this time Logan in Boston - because of weather. My flight has been delayed for four hours and who knows if I’ll make it back home to NYC tonight. I flew in on the Jetblue shuttle do to a reading in Newtonville at a great independent bookstore. Mary, the owner, could not have been nicer or more gracious but only about a dozen people showed up because of the inclemency. I gave them a show anyway. A buddy from Ptown, Phil, came and kindly gave me a ride back to the airport. I thought it would be easy doing a round trip in one day because it was Boston. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I am exhausted and frustrated and close to tears. I sold three books tonight at the store. I paid for this trip myself. My Amazon number is for shit. I feel like I’ve sort of reached my limit in sales - I pray I’m wrong about that - and I’m just treading marketing water now. I hate to sound so down but that’s the way I’m feeling. I live a pretty solitary life but this life-on-the-road has taken the loneliness I often feel and encased it with a meta-loneliness that is becoming increasingly difficult to cope with on a night like this. There is a baby squalling next to me that seems, touchingly but maddenlngly, to have picked up on my feelings tonight. And it sure isn’t helping my headache. I hope the weather is better by Friday when I head back up here on antoher day trip to do a reading at Calamus bookstore and speak to a class at Harvard. I’m going to sign off now and ask the mother with the crying baby if she has any aspirin in that diaper bag by my feet.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Have been checking the blog and judging from the delay since your last entry had guessed that you were probably hitting a wall about now.
Give yourself a break, guy. You’ve not been leading a regular life for the past couple of months. I know nothing about book tours, but they don’t sound like my idea of fun, regardless of the attention.
Giving a reading on tax day? What did you expect? No one is buying books today. If anything, they’re spending their money on turbo tax software or some such. Not your fault. J. K. Rowling would find it daunting.
I’m sure once you return to the comforts of home and Ernie, you’ll snap out of this.
Best,
Freddie
April 17th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
“Bitter. Party of one.”
It is true. In the scheme of things, your Boston trip has all the makings of a very crappy experience. The negatives have lined up all the way down the concourse back to security. I’ll give you that.
But without sounding like Dr. Phil, it’s about perspective. Some of us have never even written a book, much less travelled from city to city meeting readers and signing autographs. Most of us have never crossed paths with the notables whose names have filled your blog. We will likely never even be on an amazon.com list. It’s doubtful anyone will ever say to some of us, “Your words changed my life.” And even at its loneliest, your ’solitary’ life is populated with more loving and caring people than we would know in our quiet lives.
Flight delays. Three books sold. Money wasted on airfare. Squalling babies. They seem small inconveniences we would gladly trade to feel for one day that our lives matter as much as yours.
It’s about perspective. And it might not seem so as you sat in that uncomfortable chair at Logan, but you should remember, Kevin, that you are indeed truly blessed. Really, you are.
April 17th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Hope is the essence of all good men.
April 18th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Pobrecito Nino. Not the squalling baby. You, Kevin.
I pray this may be the nadir of your tour, and you will hit the zenith soon.
Do not despair. Things will improve, and quickly. In the immortal words of Mammy Yokum: “Ah has spoken.” You have a quality work there, my friend, and quality endures. You will see. Keep your focus.
April 18th, 2007 at 2:44 am
I did a painting today at ruins of windsor next to my husband. Somebody came by to see what we were doing. They lean over his shoulder and oo and ah. I see them coming toward me. I don’t know if I was warning myself or them when I tried to mention that I wasn’t the artist; that I really didn’t paint…I was using color. The man approaches me and says, “No, you certainly are not.” I came home and did another painting of my mailbox and hung them both on my wall proud as could be. We still love u down here boy. saw your sis today .
April 18th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Marketing! I’m sure its expensive, but the only way I knew about your book was through another author on NPR discussing his book. Googled him & a gay book store had your book listed as a similar favorite. There are so many books being released, the only time I hear of a new author/book release is through NPR.
April 18th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Kevin, I am taking a chance and hoping to get through to you. I spoke to your sister in Vicksburg and she assured me that if I mailed the book I bought there to your address, you would sign it and send it back for me. I could not find an address on the site for you and I hope you read this.
My partner and I work on 2 different riverboats on the Mississippi, the American Queen and the Delta Queen.
Glenn (partner) saw your book and told me about it, so when I was in Vicksburg, I placed an order through the art gallery. I have told so many people to buy it and support you. I hope it is paying off.
I am looking forward to reading it. I bought it for my partner as a surprise and wanted you to sign it to him b4 giving it to him.
Would you be so kind as to repsond to the e-mail I entered?
Thank you and best of luck with everything. I am sure you are ready to be home!
Sincerely,
Brian T. Smith
April 26th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
i just got it too–i’m a georgia sissy, so i figured it might be applicable—it’s next on my “to-read” pile—if it’s anything like the title and that cover pic, it’s gonna be great—-
April 26th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Kevin, I just read about your trip on Andrew Sullivan’s blog. Here’s what I emailed him:
Andrew,
Tell Kevin, from one author to another, I feel his pain. I *hate* book signings, and don’t do them unless I’m forced. I’m a bestselling author, and had a book released (my eighth) just two days ago, and I am addicted to Amazon rankings. But it’s nonsense. At this moment, I’m at 940, but tomorrow, it could be 5000. And you know, my last book, a USA Today Bestseller, sold only 300 copies, or so, at Amazon. Those numbers mean shit. One sale in an hour could bring it down below 5000. ONE sale.
It’s true, I write fiction, and romance fiction at that. But it means something to someone, as does Kevin’s book. Write for those who love our work. That’s all that matters.
Best to you and yours,
Adele
*********************************************
Adele Ashworth
THE DUKE’S INDISCRETION ~ On sale now!
DUKE OF SCANDAL ~ a USA Today Bestseller! ~ 2006
DUKE OF SIN ~ A USA Today Bestseller! ~ 2005
www.adeleashworth.com
April 26th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
Several years ago I made the unwise decission to start financing my own films, and then, when distributors expressed no interest, made the even unwiser decission to begin distributing them as well. Now these several years later, having found some modest measure of success, I’ve come to realize that days like the one you’ve described above that make being a writer or filmmaker or whatever work rather than being merely a hobby, and that being stubborn enough to it out is where the battle is won.
April 27th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Kevin,
From a fellow author who has been where you are and felt what you are feeling: take heart! The solitude of book-touring (and book-writing, for that matter) is lethal, but it has nothing to do with the magic of a reader opening up your book for the first time and hearing your wonderful voice. So stop checking Amazon and keep your chin up. Ars longa, book tour brevis.
Best,
Bill L.
April 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am
It’s hard to be an author. I only know that because I’ve never been one. I am, however, an artist, and I do know what it’s like to do a show or gallery and have an endless stream of people come up to me and rave about my stuff and then wander away to focus on the veggie plate or wine bar–you know, the really important things. Does that happen on book tours? And, although I”ve never been to Mississippi, and I am most definitely NOT a sissy, goddamnit, I’m actually thinking of maybe, possibly, at some time in the near, or distant future, giving more than a passing thought to considering buying your book. (I wanted to give you the same sort of firm commitment that I get)
Actually, it seems you have some weather and airport issues to work through. Don’t worry, Global Warming is coming to solve these problems.
By, the way, you can thank Andrew Sulluivan for the fact that I even know about you.
April 27th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Hey Kevin, just wanted you to know that I ordered your book today.
April 27th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Hang in there, Kevin. Try shifting your focus from yourself to how your words are going to affect the people who read those three books (and the rest you sell) - who they’ll share your book with, the pleasure you’ll bring. Give yourself a fixed amount of time to feel wretched and then put your spotlight firmly on enthusiasm for the experience…and the experience you are giving others. Chin up.
April 28th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Too late to make any difference, probably, but you should intersperse public library appearances with bookstore appearances. Might not make any difference in sales, but perhaps they would be an ego-boost.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
I have just finished your book (I bought it at OutWrite bookstore in Atlanta) and I was moved to tears several times. My life paralleled yours in many ways. I was born in 1959 a South Georgia sissy. Like you, I was a stuttering, aguished kid that preferred Barbies and paper dolls to dump trucks and toy soldiers. I also played high school football and basketball to quiet the ridicule and deflect the attention away from my feminine manner. I also learned to be fierce debater with my right-wing rascist, intolerant, abusive redneck father. The sting of the word ’sissy’ helped me be steadfast in working hard to get out of the small town into the wide world I had discovered in my books and especially the outdated Encyclopedia Brittanica my parents had purchased when I was born (it did not record President Kennedy’s assasination)
I envy the mentors you were fortunate to have in your teenage years in Jackson. I wish I had had a Frank Hains in my life in early teenage years. I didn’t have a trusted gay mentor until my mid-twenties when I came out. Those were years I was still faking my heterosexuality and not until CNN Headline News started doing AIDS reports did I really know there was a Gay community anywhere. I will be purchasing many more of your books and passing them along to my friends here in Atlanta and I can’t wait until your next book in published.
Sincerely
Vance D. Croft